JEA's natural defense mechanism accidentally triggered after being spooked by controversy; begins oozing rate increases.

Jacksonville, FL — Spooked by the storm between the Mayor and members of the City Council surrounding JEA, the utility's natural defense mechanism was triggered Friday around noon.

Here's the timeline:

11:30AM — Workers reported smelling a foul odor coming from the utility.

12:00PM — The Mayor held a press conference responding to accusations against the utility.

1:00PM — Witnesses report seeing the utility secreting a green, slimy substance which then vaporized and landed in their JEA bills, increasing rates by 15%.

2:00PM — JEA officials have confirmed that the utility was emitting a small rate increase, but claim it was "completely normal defensive behavior for a creature like this when they're in fear."

Officials managed to settle it down enough that the rate increase should only linger around "the remainder of this year."