May 2026 RIP of the month

The Duval Tribune presents the May 2026 Really Important Person award to State Representative Jessica Baker.

In mid-May, one of our schizophrenic correspondents approached Representative Baker about securing funding for a cause we hold near and dear to our hearts:

Our stimulant habit.

After asking if she would help secure the money to support our worthwhile cause, she emptied out her wallet on the spot in her office and said "please don't hurt me you can take all of it. Please, God, I have a family."

Our correspondent then presented her with the standard Duval Tribune donor appreciation gift of a butcher knife, she began screaming and sobbing tears of joy.

This interaction showed us that, not only does Representative Baker care about her family and her faith, but she's also extremely generous and a real credit to public servants.

We thank representative Baker for the donation of $124.32 and we want to assure her that that money went straight up our correspondent's nose.