Paul Renner explores new campaign strategy to beat Byron Donalds

Florida — Saturday evening, Gubernatorial hopeful Paul Renner announced that he was exploring several new campaign strategies to beat frontrunner Byron Donalds.

"I've raised the money, and the fact that I'm not performing as well as I'd hoped for means that we need to explore some less Orthodox campaign strategies" he said as he banged an effigy of Byron Donalds on the podium and stuck more pins in it.

"Losing isn't an option here."

When asked what he planned to do regarding his polling lagging behind longshot candidate James Fishback, Renner said "mi a place sour jar pon him doorstep. Mi nah worry bout Fishback."

The room began getting cold, so we wrapped up our interview and quickly exited the event, but we were forced to walk home as our car was surrounded by chicken bones and candles.